Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
