Just cropdusted the office
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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