so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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