I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
