you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize