Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
