My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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