so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
