My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
