i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
