I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Houston, we have a blender
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
