Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
