the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My vagina just recognized that song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
