what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
