He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
