oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
