And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
