before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
