Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
