She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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