I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
