sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
