So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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