You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
