If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
