to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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