I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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