I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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