He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
