I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
