I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
