i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
