Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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