Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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