I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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