gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
