my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
