If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
