Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
