sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're a waste of cheezeits
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize