just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
