She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
