either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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