i'm signing you up for texting rehab
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
