My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize