So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
