There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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