He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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