Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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