If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
