She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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