i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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