Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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