I hate all girls vehemently.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
