You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize