I CAN MOONWALK!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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