we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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