4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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