i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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