I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i think my cat just said my name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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