apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
