I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize