we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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