The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
