sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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