Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
