Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
