just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
