When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
