Plan B is the new Plan A
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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