Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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