Someone shit on the floor
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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