You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
