Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
