I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
