it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
