Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
