Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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