I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please come you make the beer taste better
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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