a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
