I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
