so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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