there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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