Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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