So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
