; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize