how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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