My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
