so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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