my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
