Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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