i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
only if we run a train.
done.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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